Friday, January 25, 2013

The Pants-Salad Scale

Geiger. Fukushima. Celsius. And the traditional 'on a scale of 1-through-10'. Measurements of scale are everywhere. During this morning’s swim set – some very challenging swimtervals – a declarative statement popped into my head:

On a scale of pants to salad, swimtervals are pants.

That’s not quite English, it’s Goofy-speak that translates to: “On a scale of things I don’t like to things l like, I don’t like swimming intervals.” I like the Goofy-speak. It made me laugh.

A quick background into why pants and why salad:

I dislike pants for a couple of reasons. Lately it has been cold in LA, and so I’ve been taking really warm showers. And I get out of the shower and the last thing I want to do is put on cold clothing. Strike one, pantalones. Then there is also the fact that 85% of my body weight is in my quads and hamstrings. For real. So finding pants that don’t boa-constrict my pipes and also have a waist that doesn’t fall down on me is a challenge. Strike two. And pants, you are lucky there are belts to help you out. And lastly, they make my legs itch, and it’s hard to scratch an itch with fabric in the way. Strike three.

I like salads a lot. They are colorful and if you throw the right ingredients together, you get to eat so many great things in one forkful. Chopped salads are even more supreme because you don’t have to chew as much or worry about half a leaf of lettuce sticking out of your mouth. And salad dressing is like liquid icing. I went almost 2 years straight (back in ’09-10) eating a Caesar salad for dinner. Every night. Without fail. Now I favor mixing it up – Cobb, roasted veggies, Asian, with seared tuna or chicken salad … All good.

So there are the parameters for the Pants-Salad Scale. I decided to rate a bunch of random stuff on it. Why? Because it makes me laugh. And it's Friday, so the more laughing, the better.



giraffy said...

Hilarious. Birds are AWFUL. AWFUL.

Meetzorp said...

Were you aware of the British colloquialism "it's complete pants?"

It's one of their ways of saying something is crappy. Pants being "underpants." Which are worn next to one's arse, which isn't exactly the most desirable seat in the house.

Ex: "Did you hear the new Coldplay album?" "Yeah, it was complete pants, just like the ones before it!"