"Slow your roll, kid" - the voice inside my head
I wanted to go for a run tonight. Go knock of a handful of hills and see my friends. I had ran this morning already - speed work with one of my teammates at almost my speed work pace. And I usually go after the double-workout days with teeth-knashing determination. But not today.
I gotta slow my roll a bit. I haven't had taken a break from workouts or from come-on-be-brave life in the last 31 days. I've been burning my candle at both ends, logging doubles, and riding a fast and furious wave of energy and motivation. But tonight...I had to shut down tonight.
Everything in my life these days seems to be flaming fast. Perhaps it is the push toward the holiday. Juggling workouts, friends, coaching, work and sleep has been doable, but at the sacrifice of that last one. The important one. The eight hours of recharge I like. This month, it's been 4-5 hrs/night. Not good for brain and body, I admit.
But the thing is, I haven't had a bad workout in these 31 days. Ironman base training + layering in Goofy Challenge mileage has me on the move constantly. I give myself a D+ in sitting still.
But finally, I feel like I'm getting in shape. My runs are consistently sub-8min/mile, even if I throw inclines in. At our team's long bike ride last week, I pushed myself to stick with our lead rider, and my lungs and quads hung in there. And I'm jazzed when I get the chance to log 90-120 mins of exercise on a work day. From it, my brain buzzes constantly.
And that's the rub - my brain is buzzing. I'm wide awake and extra chatty. (Mostly wise ass comments. Yesterday I started to get sick of the sound of my voice). I have the adreneline rush that is egging me on to do what I say, and say what I mean - live life hard and fast and passionately. It's too short not to. Hell, I'm writing on this blog once or twice a day recently. I've never had this much to say!
But this new mindset is not an omni-benevolent gift.
See, at work, I'm in charge of organizing two all-company events. One happened yesterday morning. And though I planned and prepped and executed without a screw up, I had a faceoff with someone that set me off. An HR person (admission: I HATE HR and all it stands for) was slow on the uptake with providing me some info - info that it takes about 5 minutes to collect. Yet, when the deadline loomed and I asked for the four time for it, I got an attitude back at me. And I bristled.
I got so worked up and aggitated that when my boss arrived she took one look at me and asked me what happened. I bit my tongue as much as I could, but eventually spilled it all out. Thankfully, because my boss is awesome, she commiserated, and even said she enjoyed me being unhinged. It was fun for her to watch.
Normally, I'm unfazed by the stress of my job. But the go-go-go that I got going is upsetting that. So, time to shut that down for a beat. Resetting my brain with a night alone, a TV on, and the physical and social stretches I reach for well out of my grasp.
I gotta slow down now to benefit the time to come. I gotta bury my head in the sand and shutdown for a bit. Last time I rode the energy wave without caution was in my last IM training ... and I crashed. Overtrained. Lost a lot.
This time I'm pulling the reigns back. Trying to find that intensity between All and Nothing. I will, with time and patience, and a nice holiday break.
So with complete moderation, a deep breath, and (still) a tiny voice that says find-those-f'ing-limits-and-break-them, I roll on. Just half a step slower than normal.